I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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