I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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