I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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