so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
