I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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