Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Green mimosas i think yes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
