so let's talk penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You ruined the universe
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
