You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
