I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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