brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i have two assholes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
