im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
pray to the hookup gods
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
