My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
FUCK WHALES
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
