just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
