Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
