You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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