I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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