I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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