Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
