Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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