He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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