I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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