nut hugger
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
where does the pee come out of this thing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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