woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
