i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
