i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
