you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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