I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
