I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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