What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
