It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
