there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
