thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
