you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
