I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
