I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
