Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
