Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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