hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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