BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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