as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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