I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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