im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
