the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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