I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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