my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
