I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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