You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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