He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
