im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
