Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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