Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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