the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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