You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
