Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
