____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
