dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
