some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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