New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
