It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
