just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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