is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
