we have officially lost it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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